Sploosh!

For the past few days, the rain in Vancouver has created huge pools on the sides of roads. I'd be driving along, peering out the windshield on extra high alert because visibility is so poor, and suddenly the right side of my little rusty tin can Toyota would shimmy through one of these pools and I'd almost lose control.

The best part is the fantastic wave of spray that completely douses the sidewalk, about seven feet high. I keep imagining someone walking along just at that moment, an unsuspecting victim to the accidental water wave by my innocent car.

Just think, you know that loud-mouthed guy on the cell phone at the coffee shop? I'd like my next victim to be him, especially if his cell phone is open. No, wait, better yet, the woman who stepped in front of me at the super-long line at the dollar store, and then pretended to not hear me when I protested. Yes, there she is, walking along the sidewalk with her oh-so-important dollar store purchases weighing her arms down and...SPLOOSH! Got her! Oops, sorry, didn't see the water there...

Then there are the random victims, who don't really deserve to be drenched but were just walking by at the wrong time. I was one, once, about two years ago.

A friend of mine was going to be baptised at her church one night. I didn't have a car at the time, and the church was in Surrey, but I wanted so badly to be there. I got dressed up and brought my umbrella with me since it was a miserable night - cold, windy, rainy. I left Vancouver and it took a skytrain and three different buses for me to get to the bus stop closest to the church.

I had to walk for about ten minutes along a very dark road. The wind kept snatching at my umbrella and I held it close to me, trying to see where I was stepping. Then it happened, so quickly and shockingly. A car went by, the wind gusted my umbrella up for a second, and SA-WHOOSH! A waterfall of cold water soaked the right side of my head and clothes, taking my breath away.

At first I was shouting obsenities into the rain, but since no one was listening or caring, I had to just plod along. By the time I got to the church, hysterical giggles were bubbling in my chest. When I saw my friend and her mother, I announced, "I got baptized, too!"

I went into the bathroom and laughed when I looked in the mirror. The whole right side of me was soaked, with black makeup splotched under one eye. I repaired as much damage as I could, and then went to find a seat. I felt appropriately ready for attending a baptism. I had been dunked underwater and was now ready to start anew!

There was that guy who I cut off in traffic one time, and he was screaming at me out his window and I ignored him. Maybe he is glad that I got splooshed...but I like to think that it was all some orchestrated event to symbolize my friend's baptism instead.

Maybe you'll be next...